Fragments of Idiosyncrasy

No, this is not a "love your own" title that introduces a composition about how I haven't written for such a long time and how this is a kicka** entry that is "my strong comeback."

Neither is it about a witty retort to someone's pickup line or insult.

This is about the cynic in me.

I didn't think it was possible to become more of a pessimist than I was in High School. At that time, I was sure that there was no other way but up. Man, was I wrong.

Here I am, in my late 20's, thinking more than ever that there is nothing for us to discover in this world except for disappointment. Granted, it wasn't always like this. We are to blame. We are from a generation that sets itself up for the worst. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Hey, on the bright side, at least we're prepared for it, at the back of our minds.

You may ask, what am I talking about. Let me tell you.

I never thought that I would ever want to hurt a living thing, ever. After having gone through my fair share of horrible boyfriends, I thought nothing could break me and ever make me want revenge so badly. If I surpassed my long list of ex-bfs, without trying to hurt each one of them no matter how much they hurt me, then I'm clear. Vengeance is not my thing. Little did I know that teaching would make me want to wish bad things on young people. What? They're kids? They don't know any better? That's just the thing. THEY DO KNOW BETTER. And they know they'll get away with anything because everyone excuses "kids."

Also, all that happy ending crap? We were all told it wasn't true. We were warned. Yet, how come we always keep hoping for it? Here I was, cynical as I could be, preparing for a future alone, thinking that I would never get married. Then my mind played tricks on me. I thought that since I found a decent guy, I COULD have that happy ending that everyone warned me was just fictional. What do I get? Well, a wedding which cost me all my old friends, and a sinking feeling that I won't be able to sustain this since I know how neurotic I am.

So, there you go. That's the sum of all the things that have happened since I last wrote here. I've found that I am more negative than I ever was, despite the luck that I have come across. Who knows what the future holds? I wonder if there'll be a word coined for something more severe than a cynic. I'll look into it.

No, not the book.

Or maybe the book, which merely tackles the universal truth on expectations...of people delivering on cue, and people inevitably disappointing.

No two people are alike. Yet, common as this knowledge is, people cannot help but compare others to themselves, secretly expecting others to have the same principles, the same likes and dislikes, and therefore, the same actions.

However, this is never so, and thus is the beginning of disappointment and misunderstandings.

"Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts."

-Albert Einstein

There is something about being in a foreign country that makes you appreciate your language more. Aside from the obvious advantage of being able to talk about people near you without them knowing about it, even when you're in a public place, being in New York and undergoing Multilingual and Multicultural studies has made me fall in love once more with the Filipino language.

This train of thought led me to a very old passage that I once learned in High School:

"O pag-ibig na makapangyarihan
Sampung mag-aama'y iyong nasasaklaw!
Kapag ikaw ang nasok sa puso ninuman,
Hahamakin lahat, masunod ka lamang!"

I never felt as moved by this passage as I am now, sitting alone in my office, reflecting on the wonders of our communicating world.